Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
