there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
