I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
