At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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