I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
