My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize