There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
