My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
