I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
