sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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