It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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