Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
