I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
