coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
