I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
