Having a random hookup so left but love u
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
