Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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