hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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