remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
