I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
