the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
