Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
