So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
