I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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