I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
