Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
