Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Vodka?
Forever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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