you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
