so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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