You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
