Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
