Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize