i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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