I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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