She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
