rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
