I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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