you traded sex for a burrito?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
