pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
