just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
