ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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