I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
