guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
