Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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