There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
