This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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