You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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