Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sober January is a disaster.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
