so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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