I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
