Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
