I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
