seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
