Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
