I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
