I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
