Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
