This girl is more easily done than said...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
