apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
