I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
