my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
