I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
