Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have fence marks all over my body
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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