Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
