cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
