he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
