I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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