do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize