I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
