her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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