I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
