Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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